Thank you friend. It really means a lot to me.

Salt water will warp the wood. So keep the tears in your eyes where they belong

There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins

We will take 4 bottles. Please and thank you

Keep the tears in your eyes where they belong

It might be cold outside. But it’s about to get warm all up in my jazz

Holy hell, that’s a lot of alcohol…We will take 4 bottles. Please and thank you.

What’s gonna happen? A vegan is gonna physically attack me? They’re basically made of glass

I love being a father but there are a few things I miss. Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s tv program called Doc McStuffin

The three most useless jobs in the world are, in order, lawyer, congressman, and doctor

How much postage does it take to send a letter to Canada? (Who’s it going to) Canada! It says, “Dear Canada f*ck you!”

I’ve eaten a lot of food in a lot of restaurants. Why is everyone else so bad at eating

When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them

The sentimental people in this office will probably miss you